


Comment to Jackson Requisition Reqts, by Maj. S. Carter

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-24
Updated: 2006-03-24
Packaged: 2019-02-02 18:32:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Sam comments on Jack's list of requirements for any officer who expects to be commanding Daniel in the field.





	Comment to Jackson Requisition Reqts, by Maj. S. Carter

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

MY COMMENTS SIR:

1\. Firstly, never expect Dr. Jackson to blindly do what you order him to do. Expect him to do exactly the opposite. In fact, for safety's sake, just assume Daniel will do whatever will get you and your team in the worst trouble the fastest. 

HE ALWAYS GETS AWAY WITH IT, TOO! YOU ARE SUCH A WUSS, O'NEILL. IF I EVER DID THE THINGS DANIEL DOES, I'D BE DEMOTED SO FAST I WOULDN'T SEE IT COMING. IT ISN'T FAIR! 

That way, you'll be properly prepared to deal with it when it happens. He doesn't mean to do it. Daniel cares about everyone except Daniel, and reacts accordingly to help. It's who he is.

SEE WHAT I MEAN? ALWAYS AN EXCUSE.

2\. Do not waste the time getting angry at Daniel when he does item one above. 

YOU GET PISSY IF ANYONE BUT YOU YELLS AT DANIEL.

If you do, the rest of your team, General Hammond, Doctor Fraiser, the entire SGC, and the Tok'ra as well will all make you feel like shit for harassing him for the next week or so. 

LIES, ALL LIES.

Even if you are right to be mad, you will still be made to feel like shit. I won't even mention how you'll feel if those blue eyes lose their sparkle for even one second because of your attitude. I won't mention it because you'll be dead, 'cause I'll kill you myself.

WHY THIS COMMENT? YOU UPSET HIM ALL THE TIME, YET HE ALWAYS FORGIVES YOU, THE CHUMP.

3\. Do not let Daniel wear himself to the bone by not eating on a dig, or not sleeping enough. I know what you are thinking. Yes, it IS your job to nursemaid him while he does the job the SGC hired him to do. 

ADD MAKING SURE HE GETS THE WALNUT COOKIES I BRING FOR HIM. 

You will do it because there is no one who can do that job better than Daniel.

HEY, WHAT AM I, CHOPPED LIVER HERE?

You will also do it because if he has dark circles under his eyes or loses even a pound as a result of being on your mission, I, Carter or Teal'c will pummel you to within an inch of your life.

YOU BET WE WILL.

4\. Daniel is a snake magnet. Even more, Daniel is an evil magnet. Every snake, warlord, Destroyer of Worlds, spoiled princess, spoiled prince, scummy addicted bounty hunter, cold-assed Tok'ra snake bitch, crotchety Air Force Special Ops Colonel, uptight Marine Special Ops Colonel, uptight Russian General, etc., ad. infinitum will fall in love with him and want to steal him away from you for his or her own personal pleasure. You will not allow this to happen (with an exception for the Air Force Colonel. You are years too late from stopping that from happening).

TMI, COLONEL. THE ENTIRE SGC ALREADY KNOWS ITS TOO LATE FOR YOU. YOU'RE A COMPLETE SUCKER FOR DANIEL.

5\. You will instantly kill anyone who tries item 4 above, except the Air Force Colonel (couldn't if you wanted to), the Marine Colonel (already in jail, and I *did* warn him), and the Russian General (could cause diplomatic incident, which would upset General Hammond).

I AGREE WITH THIS. DANIEL GROUCHY MEANS O'NEILL GROUCHY, WHICH MEANS LIFE GOES TO HELL REAL FAST.

6\. ... If he gets hurt by the snake, the rest of SG-1 will assume you didn't try to get the snake's attention hard enough, and will treat you accordingly. Trust me here, you will prefer what the snake does to you over what we do. Teal'c can be extremely bad tempered when his favorite archeologist isn't protected well enough in his opinion.

DITTO FOR THIS.

7\. Think every single thing that Daniel asks you to let him do over very thoroughly! Get your science officer's opinion as well, if you have one.

WELL, THANKS SIR, IT'S NICE TO KNOW I GET SOME SMALL MEASURE OF APPRECIATION.

I will warn you now, you will have utilize all the discipline you've learned in the military to be firm when you tell this geek no. 

DISCIPLINE YOU DON'T HAVE, O'NEILL!

Because he will put you through the POUT if you don't instantly capitulate. When Dr. Jackson pouts, the rest of your team will immediately think you are a scum of the earth because you don't let him do what he wants. The natives, hell, even the snakes will feel the same way. 

I KNOW. WISH I COULD BOTTLE WHAT DANIEL HAS AND SELL IT. I'D MAKE A MILLION.

All I can say is DO NOT GIVE IN if it is a bad idea. Yes, this is a situation of do as I say, not as I do. He's had me wrapped around his little finger since the first trip through the gate...

THAT'S FOR SURE. WHAT A WUSS. TO THINK I ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE LIKE MY DAD...

8\. Get used to long lectures. Just do what I do, and either hush him up or daydream that you're in Hawaii or something. I imagine that I'm the artifact/culture/person that Daniel is waxing so happily about, and that's what gets me through. Remember, he is way smarter than anyone you know.

YOU SHUT BOTH OF US UP BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO DUMB TO FOLLOW WHAT WE ARE SAYING. ADMIT IT, SIR. THAT DUMB ACT ISN'T AN ACT.

9\. Always bring along a good supply of the gourmet coffee ...The sight of Dr. Jackson in a caffeine withdrawal (every morning) if you offer him the standard MRE coffee, will haunt you for years, otherwise. 

THAT ONE DAY WE ONLY HAD FREEZE-DRIED MRE COFFEE, DANIEL SCARED EVEN ME.

10\. Do not allow any person to share a tent with Daniel. ... The reason for this is that the man snuggles, for God's sake! I don't want him snuggling up to anyone without my prior approval, which you won't get.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW, SIR? TMI, AS USUAL. BESIDES, THAT ONE TIME I SHARED WITH YOU, IT WASN'T YOUR SIDEARM THAT KEPT POKING ME. POT AND KETTLE, SIR.

11\. This may seem as if it is a very long list of requirements for the care and feeding of one civilian consultant. But when he saves your entire team, or finds the meaning of life for you, or, God help you, he actually smiles at you, you will see that he is well worth the trouble.

WELL, THIS IS TRUE... 

SIR, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL THE GENERAL NO AGAIN, THAT HE CAN'T LEND DANIEL OUT? THIS SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF TROUBLE FOR ONE PISSY ARCHEOLOGIST. YOU ALWAYS DID LIKE HIM BETTER!

S. CARTER.


End file.
